The Four Pillar of Leadership From Within
The Four Pillar of Leadership From Within
Success or Failure Starts or Ends With The Four Pillars of Leadership From Within
SELF AWARENESS
SELF REGULATION
CONNECTION
PURPOSE
Think of any relationship you have. Be it with a partner, a co-worker, money, food, yourself, friends, activity…define it as healthy or unhealthy for you. Now, link the experiences (or actions) within this relationship to one of the four pillars. You will discover that positive and healthy interactions have these pillars present in them, while unhealthy relationships and interactions are missing one, or all of these four pillars.
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The first pillar of leadership from within is self-awareness. Self-awareness is simply knowing what is happening around you and within you at any given moment. It means you develop a keen capacity to know what you are thinking, feeling, and doing in a given moment. Most importantly, you can objectively ‘see yourself and your thoughts and feelings from afar’ without the emotional entanglement associated with it all. Furthermore, in objective self-awareness, you refrain from labeling what you see or observe as good or bad, right or wrong. You see it for what it is. In other words, in self-awareness, it is as if a camera is about five to ten feet away from you, capturing a complete inventory of you moment by moment. For example, right now, at this very moment, if you rest this book for a minute, what would a camera from afar see in you and of you? A person dressed as such, sitting or laying in such a position, feeling (fill in the blank with your feelings here), thinking (fill in the blank with your thoughts here). How does your body feel? What is the temperature of your hands and feet? Does anything in your body hurt? Where does it hurt? How intense is the pain? What or who are you thinking about? How do these thoughts make you feel? Are these feelings positive or negative, or what impact are they having on you at this very moment? How is your heart rate? How is your breathing? Is there anyone around you? Are there noises or smells around you? Are they pleasant to you? Unpleasant? Are any of these outside stimuli impacting your thoughts, feelings, and emotions now? This is self-awareness. As you navigate your life and interact with others, it is essential that you become an expert in knowing what is happening around you and within you at any given moment OBJECTIVELY.
Self-regulation comes after self-awareness, and it is the second pillar of leadership from within. Self-regulation is the action or actions that take place after a moment of pause that allows you to respond (and not react) to a person, situation, or circumstance regardless of the state you are in. Self-regulation is, simply put, when you keep it together: your words and actions and how you present yourself at any given moment are in a manner that is kind, respectful, and present regardless of your mental, physical, or emotional state. Just like self-awareness, self-regulation is a skill. It requires diligent and intentional practice for a person to interact with others knowing with objectivity (read self-awareness above again) that you are angry, sad, mad, scared, excited, resentful, or overly enthusiastic about something and yet display the demeanor of a person who is calm, collected and attentive in what is being said and done to move all involved forward. Self-regulation can also be defined as Emotional Intelligence (EQ). In the self-awareness stage, you identify feelings and emotions and notice that these feelings and emotions point to a need in you or activate or dysregulate you. Yet, you are able and capable of channeling them all towards a positive outcome for yourself and those around you. Self-regulation, or emotional intelligence, is an essential skill in your personal and professional life and plays a role in every relationship you have, starting with your relationship with yourself when you are alone in the room and not only while interacting with others.
Connection is the third pillar of leadership from within. Connection is the link or magnet that exists between individuals. There are two ways in which it impacts leadership. First, the connections you have on a daily basis have a direct impact on who you are and how you behave or operate in the world. It is imperative that you take inventory of your connections every so often. I suggest that every six to eight weeks, you spend quiet time pondering upon the individuals who occupy space in your life and circle. Who are they? What good influence are each of them on you? How does each of them positively impact you and support your growth and development as a person in this world? Do they believe in you, inspire you, support you, guide you, accept and challenge you at the same time? Are you loved, seen, safe, and respected by your circle of friends and family? Anything short of a positive influence in your life is a connection you must consider closely, or reconsider. The quality of your relationships and your life is directly linked to the quality of your connections and the individuals you allow in your mental, physical, and emotional space. For this, it is essential that while you are working on your self-awareness and self-regulation skills (as this determines how you connect with others), you are also very attentive to each and every person you interact with and how they serve a positive purpose in your life. The second way connection impacts leadership is during interactions. Be it personal or professional, once you are in front of a person, a team, or a large crowd, you will only succeed in leading the room and impact the outcome positively if you connect with the individuals around you. Be it through eye contact, a gentle, respectful touch, a gesture, or your tone of voice, you will only achieve leadership (in any dimension) after connecting first. Using my coach's example above, he smiled at me and calmly observed me. This was his way of connecting with me first, then leading from within in my presence. The purpose of connection is to make the person and the environment feel safe and seen so that growth, development, change, or healing can occur. I will venture to link connection and self-awareness. Connecting with yourself is imperative. When was the last time you looked in the mirror for a few minutes to take a good, good, good look at yourself? When was the last time you closed your eyes in stillness and silence and allowed your mind, body, and subconscious to take it over in a deep meditative state of connectedness? In developing the capacity to connect with yourself, you will, by default, create the skill of self-awareness much faster. It is almost impossible to develop self-awareness without truly and deeply connecting with yourself on a deeper level.
Inner purpose is the fourth and last pillar of leadership from within. By purpose, I mean the reason behind your doing, the intention, and the objective of your actions. By inner, I mean your own, or the essence of your heart and soul that leads you into your daily actions and interactions. Inner purpose lives above a goal, a desired outcome, or a result. Inner purpose is the foundation of who you are. When you leave this earth, and others speak of you and the impact you left in places and spaces, they will be speaking of the purpose you served here. For example, a high school football coach may say that the goal on Friday night is to win the game, but the purpose is to equip, empower, and educate young men into adulthood through the game of football. My goal may be to enter a meeting to secure a client. My purpose is to leave the meeting, leaving each person in the room better than I found them (even if they choose not to hire my services). It is essential to decide, define, and refine your inner purpose. You will arrive at your inner purpose by exploring self-awareness, self-regulation, and connection. And by inner, I mean it is the one that moves you directly from your heart into the heart of others (and not what anyone else decides or defines on your behalf). Your inner purpose is the inner light within you that guides you in all you do and who you are. Explore it! Find it! Define it! Live it!
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